Ahh, the words that every young boy eagerly yearns to hear someday…right along with “Hey sissy!,” “You’re such a feminine guy,” and “Dude, you look so skinny in those jeans.” I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to have the title "Mom"—the utmost defining title of womanhood—attached to him?
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had a bunch of titles associated with me in my life, some great and some not so flattering. I’ve been a son to my parents, a brother to my siblings, a nerd and a jock to my classmates (holding those concurrently took a good deal of balance between Star Trek and being naturally physically gifted), a student to my teachers, “Little Balls” to my fellow Pi Kappa brothers (my older brother was “Hot Balls” in Pi Kappa and I was his “little” brother…you can do the math on that one). I also have accomplished quite a bit in my own work history. I’ve been an intern and turned that title into Children’s Minister and that one into Youth Minister, all the while being a missionary in my own country.
All of these titles I accepted to various degrees and lived up to their meanings and to everything that came along with them. But now, sitting across the table from a friend my wife and I were catching up with, I had been assigned the most off-base and really unmanly title I’d ever been given. And remember, I had been called “Little Balls” for three years.
Of course, our friend didn’t mean it to be an insult or derogatory observation. Instead, he was simply trying to describe my function in my family and to society right now. But the truth is that the implications of that title were extremely unfair, to not only me, but also to Jennifer, my wife. See, she is Mom and I am Dad! The only thing that makes us different from our culture’s norm is that Jennifer is the provider and breadwinner in our family, and I stay at home and take care of our three cats, two dogs, and most importantly, our infant son Josiah.
If you are reading this you, may be one of the few but growing number of men who are finding themselves in a similar role. You may be the wife of such a man. Maybe you are a single father who has to fill the roles of both mom and dad. Or maybe you simply are someone who finds this topic interesting enough to read on. In any case, let me invite you to enjoy some of the observations I’ve made in my ongoing story to retain my sanity as the housedad.
In today's society I am not surprised if you are looked down upon for staying home with your son. You are probably viewed as being lazy and crossing a culture norm for doing a "woman's job". The women had to have a feminist movement to be accepted in the workplace. I sometimes joke that we need to have a manist movement to be accepted for staying at home with our kids. I like to remind people that a stay at home mom or dad is a 24 hour job with no break and is hard work. Usually at a regular work job there is a clear beginning of a project and clear ending of a project. When the project ends at work there is a sense of satisfaction because you can see the progress made. When staying at home and doing the child duties the so called "project" does not end and you do not always see an immediate clear ending. When I stayed at home with my child I once resorted to painting the walls because then I could see my progress made during the day and I felt a sense of satisfaction because I could actually see it. You can also see that progress when raising kids, but it is not quite so apparent and immediate which makes it hard. You have one of the hardest jobs out there. Raising kids, cooking, cleaning, and everything else that goes into it is challenging especially if you are like me and don't have much structure from day to day. I have learned to structure my day and plan in advance to maximize the most of the time in my day. Otherwise, I may look up and over half the day is gone and I felt like I've gotten nothing done.
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